Boy: Thanks love I had a nice time…
Girl: Me too hun….. but why didn’t you tell
me you had a “small” guitar?
Boy: It’s because I didn’t know I was going
to perform in a “community hall”?


1.Mwanamume ni kumwaga ndani,kuwithdraw achia M-pesa
2.Mwanamke ni kuachilia ingie,kukaza achia mechanic
3.Sex ni nyama kwa nyama,CD achia DJ
4.Mwanamume ni BEER,spirits achia waganga
5.Mke ni sura,internal beauty achia minyoo
6.Mke ni kuitwa mama watoto,honey achia nyuki
7.Mwanamke ni figure,standard achia gazeti na KEBS
v8.Mwanamume ni kuoga twice aweek,daily achia nation.

Kiherehere Haidai


An Aeroplane cleaner was cleaning
the pilot’s cockpit when he saw a
book titled, “HOW TO FLY AN
Volume 1

He opened the 1st page which said: “To start the engine,
press the red button..” He did
so, and the airplane engine
started.. He was happy and
opened the next page…: “To get the airplane moving, press the blue button..” He did so and the plane
started moving at an amazing
speed… He wanted to fly, so he
opened the 3rd page which said:
“To let airplane fly, please press
the green button..” He did so and the plane started to fly…He was excited…!!
After 20 minutes of
flying, he was satisfied and
wanted to land so he decided to
go to the 4th page… and page 4
says; “To be able to know how to land a plane, please purchase
Volume 2 at the nearest book
shop! ”

He will be buried tomorrow.

Scam za Kenya

1. Wacha niende hivi nakam – SCAM
2. Niko bafu nipee dakika 5 – SCAM
3. Si unikopeshe 500bob nitarefund jioni – SCAM
4. Wacha niendee pesa nikam – SCAM
5. Wacha nitakupigia after 30 minutes – SCAM
6. Niko kwa mat ina kelele I’ll call you back – SCAM
7. Utalipa ama nilipe – SCAM
8. Client anasema tufanyie kwanza free then aone that we can deliver – SCAM
9. Please Dm – SCAM
10. I miss you – SCAM
11. Acha tuone vile siku itakuwa – SCAM
12. Kiasi tu nikutumie – SCAM
13. Nitumie credo niko kwa hao na sina doo kwa Mpesa nitarudisha – SCAM
14. Pesa yako nakutumia sai sai
15. Ntakua tao by 2 – SCAM
16. Client anasema atalipa ikiTrend – SCAM
17. Weka pesa kwa hii namba, ile ingine ina shida – SCAM
18. Client amesema tufanye trial alafu atatupea job – SCAM
19. Nitumie fare ntakam – SCAM
20. Am single and satisfied – SCAM
21. Nifanyie bei poa ntakuletea customers – SCAM
22. Kuja tuwatch movie – SCAM
23. Ujue ntalala na trao – SCAM
24. I love you to the Moon and Back – SCAM
25. Nitaweka kichwa tu – SCAM
26. *Nanyesha* – BIGGEST SCAM
27. She is my bff – SCAM
28. Nitameza p2 – TRAP SCAM
29. Was just a friend – BIGGER SCAM
30. Take me back and i Swear I’ll never Fuck around again – SCAM
31. I am a Virgin – SCAM
32. Nitaingiza kichwa tu – ALL TIME SCAM
33. Am going to see *A* friend – SCAM?
Lets chat niko place noisy…issa SCAM
Running mate…. Major SCAM
Babe hata uyo dame si msupuu kukuliko…SCAM !!
Nimeona missed call yako sahii….SCAM !!
Niko na stress ndo nimemwaga haraka….SCAM SCAM SCAM !!
Niko kwa jam….SCAM !!
Aaaah ungeniambia mapema nilikua nazo asubuhi sai nimetumia….SCAM

The truth shall set you free

Three University guys dodged exam because they did not study. They came up with a plan, got themselves dirty using grease, then went to see the Lecturer.
”Sir we are sorry we couldn’t make it to the exam. We attended a wedding and on our way back the car broke down thus we became so dirty as you can see”. The Lecturer understood and gave them three days
to prepare.

After three days, they went to the Lecturer very ready for the exam because they had studied.

The Lecturer put them in three separate classes with only four questions in the exam paper;
1. Who got married? (25 marks)
2. Where was the reception held? (25mks)
3. Where exactly did the car break down?
4.What type of car broke down? (25mks)

Marking scheme:

your answers must be the same.!!!
They are still in the exam hall as we speak! ?

Lesson : The truth shall set you free

Marriage for you

Man : I have been waiting for this day
Lady : Do you want me to leave?
Man : No
Lady : Do you love me?
Man : Of course
Lady : Will you ever cheat me?
Man : Never in my life
Lady : Will you ever hug me?
Man : Every chance I get
Lady : Will you hit me?
Man : Are you crazy?
Lady : Can I trust you?
Man : Yes
Lady : Sweet heart


Now Read from bottom to top???

Interview with M.P.

Job Interview. MP

OFFICER:- What is your name?
Monday:- M.P. sir
OFFICER:- In full please
Monday:- Monday Paul
OFFICER:- Your father’s name?
Monday:- M.P. sir
OFFICER:- What does that mean?
Monday:- Matthias Paul
OFFICER:- Your native place?
Monday : M.P. sir
OFFICER:- What’s that?
Monday:- Malvin Province
OFFICER:- What is your qualification?
Monday:- M.P.
OFFICER:- (angry) What is that?!!!
Monday:- Mathematics Professor
OFFICER:- So why do you need a job?
Monday:- It is because of M.P. sir
OFFICER: Meaning?
Monday:- Money Problems
OFFICER:- Would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What’s your personality like?
Monday: MP sir.
OFFICER: And what is that?
Monday:- Marvelous Personality
OFFICER:- I see… I will get back to you.
Monday:- Sir, how was M.P. sir?
OFFICER:- And what’s that again?
Monday:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- I think you have M.P.
Monday:- Meaning?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
Don’t laugh alone.
Send this to M.P. (Many People) to put smile on their faces.
I have post this to u because u are M.P. (My people)

Men Will always Be Men


One day a woman wanted to know how the husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn’t want to live with him anymore and after writing she put the letter on the table in the bedroom and then hid under the bed…When the husband came back home, saw the letter and read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance changing his clothes. He got his phone, dialled someone then said: “Hey babe, am just changing clothes then will join you, as for the other fool it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was wrong..really wrong to have married her, I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!” The husband walked out of the room and left. In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the husband wrote on the letter. When she got the letter, it said: “I COULD see your feet under the bed, I didn’t make any phone call.. I am going to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal….

Bread or Sex Joke

Wife: Honey can you please help me cleaning the garden.
Husband: do I look like a gardener?
Wife: ooh sorry honey, OK then fix the bathroom door.
Husband: do I look like a carpenter?…

Then husband walks out, after coming back from where he went, he found the garden cleaned and the door fixed.

Husband: I knew my wife will do this all by herself.
Wife: no its not me.

Husband: who then!
Wife: John our neighbor
Husband: you paid him how much?
Wife: No, he just gave two options, bread or sex.
Husband: I hope u gave him bread
Wife: do I look like a bakery!!!!!

Nyeri TV Shows

1. La Muher Di Mi Vita
2. Family Batters
3. Final Destination Ward 5
4. True Blood
5. Njeri Springer Show
6. The Beat
7.The Event
8. Finding Nimo (Akishakuslash na Panga)
9. So you think you can fight
10. Girls of the Panga House Mansion
11. Keeping up with the KATArshians
12. The good wife-beater
13. Mumeo must die
14. Bruises Almighty
15. Beauty and the Beast
16. My Knife and Kids
17. How I beat your father
18. Waitherero: The Last Bodybender