Author Archives: Fun and Humour in Kenya

Facts about babies born in March 2013.

One common thing about these babies is that they were all born in March 2013.
1. Server Omondi.
2. Transmission Okore.
3. Stronghold Muma Oteko.
4. Gubernatora Akello.
5. I.E.B.C Lumumba.
6. Rejected V. Owino.
7. Biometric V. Auma.
8. Valid vote owilo
9. Diaspora Akinyi
10. Run off Owiti
11. Hack omondi
12. Provisional omondi
13. Disputed oswago
14. Magic wall awino
15. Observer Oyoo
16. Presiding odinga
17. Voterturnout otieno
18. We have until monday opiyo
19. Newcomer OMOLO
20. Bomas Onyango
21. Unappreciative odhiambo
22. Opinion poll Kajwang
23. Final tally awiti
24. Round one omollo
25. Tallying Atoti
26. Tunawesfaint omondi

Family planning jokes

I saw a sign the other day at the hospital that read ‘Family Planning – use rear entrance’. I was totally confused coz I could not see the door.

Advice for the ladies…

1. If you are not cheating on me, it means guys are not interested in you! So am also not interested.
2. Success is not sexually transmitted. Stop sleeping with successful men thinking you will get to their level. Utabaki tu vile uko ama ata worse!
3. Don’t put on the same weave for 9 months. It’s not pregnancy!
4. Half naked ladies are hot, well dressed ladies are beautiful. Hell is hot and heaven is beautiful!
5. Don’t say you can’t date a guy living with his mum yet you are dating a guy living with his wife.
6. Don’t look at what a guy drives but look at what drives him.
7. Don’t put on a weave that is brighter than your future.
8. Before you call a guy ugly, remember 90% of your beauty can be removed using a wet towel.
9. While in campus you dated married men! Now you say you don’t want to share your husband! Kuwa mpole.
10. Lastly, ask Jesus for advice to your relationship. Stop consulting MAINA KAGENI or MWALIMU KING’ANG’I.

The milking machine joke

My neighbour, a farmer ordered an expensive milking machine, he then decided to text it on himself first, so he inserted his manhood into the equipment and turned on the switch. Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does, But when the fun is over, he realizes that he can’t remove the manhood from the machine; He reads the Manual but does not find any useful information. He tries every button on the instrument without success. Finally the farmer decided to call the customer hot line, Hallow , I just bought a milking cow machine frm your company, It works fantastic, but how do i remove it from the cows Udder? Don’t worry sir, replies the customer service person, the machine will release automatically once it has collected two litres,…….Whaaat? from where??? Itoke wapi??? the man shouted.

Polisi wa Kenya

1. AMERICAN POLICE STYLE : Allow the thief to
catch you, then you catch the thief.
2. CHINA POLICE STYLE : Chase the thief until
he becomes tired then you catch him…
3. ARAB POLICE STYLE : Kidnapp the thief’s
wife and then threaten the thief to surrender
4. INDIAN POLICE STYLE : Sing for the thief
until he comes close to you, then catch them..
5. KENYAN POLICE STYLE : Catch any person
on the street, beat him until he agrees that he’s
a thief.

Results za mgomo wa Walimu

Results of mgomo,….Dear huspand, i miss u veli many since u go to the Nailobi, At hom we are continue well even the cow was given a small one and maize has grow very much. My rove wen are u come to hom bring me the sokolet you told me. Pls u tell me yua bratha is also disturb me to do bad manas with him but i tell him i do with you arone, pls don’t refuse to come because i will drink medicine or enter river.

Teacher and Student Joke

TEACHER: Why didn’t you study?
STUDENT: A year has 365 days for
you to study.
After taking away 52 Sundays, there
are only 313
days left. There are 50 days in the
summer that
is way too hot to work so there are
only 263 days
left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a
year, that
counts up to 122 days so now we’re
left with 141
days. If we fooled around for only 1
hour a day,
15 days are gone, so we are left
with 126 days.
We spend 2 hours eating each day,
30 days are
used in this way in the year, and we
are left with
96 days in our year. We spend 1
hour a
day speaking to friends and family,
that takes
away 15 days more and we are left
with 81 days.
Exams and tests take up at least 35
days in your
year; hence you are only left with
46 days. Taking
off approximately 40 days of
holidays, you are
only left with 6 days. Say you are
sick for a
minimum of 3 days; you’re left with
3 days in the
year to study! Let’s say you only go
out for 2
days…You’re left with 1 day. But
that 1 day is
your birthday. That’s why I did not
Teacher: Class dismissed.

Funniest promiscuous jokes in Kenya

MUSYIMI had SIX children and was
very proud of his achievement.
He was so proud of that he started
calling his wife KAMENE,
‘Mother of SIX’, in spite of her
One night they went to a party &
later decided that it was time to go
and wanted to find out if KAMENE is
ready to leave as well.
He shouted ,”Shall we go home,
KAMENE, irritated by her husband’s
lack of discretion shouted back,
“Anytime you’re ready, FATHER OF
THREE!! “…

The polite way to pee

The Polite Way to Pee: During one of her daily classes, a lady teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: Njoroge, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Njoroge said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’ The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite’ What about you Kiptanui, how would you say it?’ Kiptanui said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’ ‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? Johnny said: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’ The teacher fainted…