Bread or Sex Joke

Wife: Honey can you please help me cleaning the garden.
Husband: do I look like a gardener?
Wife: ooh sorry honey, OK then fix the bathroom door.
Husband: do I look like a carpenter?…

Then husband walks out, after coming back from where he went, he found the garden cleaned and the door fixed.

Husband: I knew my wife will do this all by herself.
Wife: no its not me.

Husband: who then!
Wife: John our neighbor
Husband: you paid him how much?
Wife: No, he just gave two options, bread or sex.
Husband: I hope u gave him bread
Wife: do I look like a bakery!!!!!

Man vs Woman phone account jokes

A WOMAN’S INBOX;

Jose: i love you gal.

M-pesa; you have received 1,500 from Martin Juma.

Mose: i miss you baby gal

Anto: are you free i take you for dinner? …

Safaricom: you have received 100shs airtime.

Omosh: gudnyt sweery

M-pesa: you have received 2,100 from Eric Maina. …

Freddy: will you be my valentine?

A MAN’S INBOX;

Cate: pliz nisambazie

Safaricom: you have insufficient funds.

Angie: woishe nibuyie lunch.

Agent: lipa nyumba ama niweke kufuli.

Safaricom: 20shs has been deducted to repay your debt.

Njeri: please call me.

Safaricom: please pay your okoa jahazi balance.

Mwende: i missed my periods.

Paul: ile deni yangu niaje?

Safaricom: please top up to continue.