Funniest promiscuous jokes in Kenya

MUSYIMI had SIX children and was
very proud of his achievement.
He was so proud of that he started
calling his wife KAMENE,
‘Mother of SIX’, in spite of her
One night they went to a party &
later decided that it was time to go
and wanted to find out if KAMENE is
ready to leave as well.
He shouted ,”Shall we go home,
KAMENE, irritated by her husband’s
lack of discretion shouted back,
“Anytime you’re ready, FATHER OF
THREE!! “…

The polite way to pee

The Polite Way to Pee: During one of her daily classes, a lady teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: Njoroge, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Njoroge said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’ The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite’ What about you Kiptanui, how would you say it?’ Kiptanui said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’ ‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? Johnny said: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’ The teacher fainted…

The Best Moments in Life

Some of the best moments in life:
1.To fall in love.
2.To clear your last exam.
3.To wake up and realize its still possible to sleep.
4.To get a phone call saying class is…cancelled.
5.To feel butterflies every time you see -THAT PERSON..
6.To see an old friend again and to feel that things have not Changed..
7.To touch the fingers of newly born child..
8.Speaking to an old friend on Sunday evening.
9.Waiting for a call or message fromyour loved one when you are
10.Walking alone on a silent road at night and listening to your favourite songs…
11.Riding on a highway while its raining.
12.Speaking to the special one on phone while standing infront of themirror.
Feels just Awesome and the last one is rite now…
13.While reading this there was constant smile on your face which was oneof the best moments I believe..!
Keep smiling, It really suits u…!

Different words with different meaning to Kenyan tribes

1.Mutura: is a Kenyan delicacy resembling sausages, it is also what people in Nyeri used to call the late Education Minister the late Mutula Kilonzo.

2. To you, Mascara may be make up but to a Luhya it means many cigarettes.

3. Marijuana is a drug but to the Kikuyus it also means they knew each other.

4. The Hobbit is a movie but to the Kambas it is a chewing gum.

5. Ukali means bitter or harshness but to a Luhya it’s food.

6. Federer is a tennis player but to Kikuyus it also means a flag.

7. L is a letter in the alphabet but to Kambas it is also the place where sinners will go.

8. Choice is not only an option but to the Luhya it’s a girl’s name.

9. Bull is the male species of a cow but to a Kalenjin it’s also a place where people like Dunford swim.

10. Sack is a bag type used for luggage but our Luo friends unmistakably enigmaticaly with utmost flamboyance know it’s a sea mammal with sharp teeth.

In this world…

In this world there two things
Either you are born a man or women
If you are a Woman you are safe, but if you are born a man there are two things involved :
Either you are in Military or Civilian
If you are civilian you are safe, if you are in Military there two things involved:
Either in office or war front
If you are in office you are safe, if you are in war front there two things involved:
Either you kill somebody or somebody kills you
If you kill somebody you are safe, if somebody kills you there two things involved:
Either you will be buried or you body will be used for manure
If you are buried you are safe if your body is used for manure two things involved:
Either will be used to grow flowers or used to grow trees
If you used to grow flowers you are safe, but if used to grow trees two things involved:
Either will be used to manufacture tissue paper or furniture
If used for furniture you are safe, if used for tissue paper two things involved:
Either you will be used by a Men or Women
If used by Men you are safe, if used by Women two things involved:
Either you will be used from back or used from front
If used from back you are safe, if used from front two things involved
Either you contact gonorrhea or you contact HIV
If you contact gonorrhea you are safe, if you contact HIV only one thing is for sure
Which is?

Kibaki, Raila, Ngilu and Martha Karua

Raila, Kibaki, Ngilu & Martha Karua are traveling in a train. The train
suddenly goes through a tunnel & it gets completely dark. Suddenly there
is a kissing sound & then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
Ngilu & Raila are sitting there looking perplexed. Kibaki is bent over holding
his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain
diplomatic & nobody says anything.
Ngilu is thinking:
‘These men are all crazy after Martha Karua’. Kibaki must have tried to
kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.’
Martha Karua is thinking:
‘Kibaki must have moved to kiss me & kissed Ngilu instead & got slapped.’
Kibaki is thinking:
‘Damn it, Raila must have tried to kiss Martha Karua, she thought it was
me & slapped me.’
Raila is thinking:
‘If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing
sound & slap Kibaki again’

Panya Mgani Mkali

Panya watatu walikuwa wanabishana eti nani mnoma. Panya wa kwanza,”Mimi nimekula red cat mara tatu na sijaidedi…” Panya wa pili,”aahhh,hi yo ni shadow.Mimi nimekula nyama ikiwa kwa mtego mara nne na sijaishikwa…’ ‘ Panya wa tatu…”Mimi hata sijui mna argue nini nyinyi.Mimi,hii mimba nimebeba ni ya paka…” . Lol .panya mgani MKARE??? A.1 B.2 C.3 .